|The trip to Motorama officially started when our car exploded.
We had left Joeys house early that morning so we could get to Harrisburg
Pennsylvania in time to help set up the trials course. But, due to severe
car explosions, that didnt happen.
It happened after about 2 and a half hours of driving, we were going through Bridgeport Connecticut at the time. We had no warning, the car just let out a bang and everything went down hill. The engine was making loud engine noises and rattling all over the place and we were absolutely sure that it was bad.
Joey got off the highway really fast and pulled into the first parking lot we could find, it was a mini-storage place. So we jumped out off the car and lifted up the hood and looked at the engine for a while. It wasnt smoking or anything, and to me it looked totally normal. So we checked the oil and we poked it and made up theorys as to what could be wrong, and Joey and Ben got on their Cell phones to call their Dads. While they were discussing the problem with their fathers I walked into the Mini-storage places office and talked to the people inside.
There was a nice old guy who I met in the office of the mini storage, I never got his name but he helped us out. He walked all the way out to his car just to give me a paper napkin he had gotten from dunkin doughnuts the day before. We needed the napkin to wipe the oil dipstick... so anyway, I shot the bull with the nice old guy for a while, he was there with his wife trying to get a mini-storage unit, and I was driving to Pennsylvania with a few friends. After a bit the old guy left his wife in the office and came to stand and look at the engine with us.
"So where is the nearest gas station" I said to him
"is gas what you need?" said the nice old guy
"well, no, but they might be able to help us with the car." I told him
"I am very familiar with this area, and I have a very good mechanic who I could bring you fellahs too" He seemed to be pretty excited by the whole thing.
"Well, uh, how far is that?" I asked him.
"Only two exits down on the highway right there, you guys can follow me, I lead you there, I just hafta finish getting my storage unit with my wife."
The problem was that we didnt really want to drive very far, and deffinatly not get back on the highway.
"So where is the closest gas station?" I asked him again
"we are on Wardon ave, you see the sign there?" He pointed to a street sign on the corner, we were indeed on Wardon ave. "Well you take Wardon ave. here, and you drive all the way to the end, at the end its a one way, State street, you cant go anywhere but to the right, so turn right, onto State street, and then there on your left is a gas station, is gas what you need?"
"Well, no, we have enough gas, but we want to get some oil, and maybe somebody there knows about cars, and can help us." I told him
At that point Ben and Joey had gotten off there phones and joined me and the nice old guy looking at the car. So then Ben or Joey asked him where the closest gas station was.
He said: "well you see this is Wardon Ave. You see that sign? You take wardon ave to the very end, becuase at the end there is a one way street, thats State street, its one way, you cant go no furthur, so you go to the right, onto State Street and then there will be a gas station on your left, I can lead you there, Im a pastor at my local church, so everything is on the up and up."
I felt sorta bad making him repeat himself like that, I think he told us how to get to that gas station about five thousand times, but he was really nice about it.
The nice old guy walked back to the mini storage office to help his wife, so we were left to look at the car. After some discussion we decided to drive down to the Gas station and see if anybody could help us. So I went and thanked the nice old guy and told him we were going to the Gas station and good luck with his mini storage. We drove our puttering car to the gas station and we popped up the hood again and Joey went into the gas station. I just sorta stood and looked at the car for a few minutes until Joey came back with a Mexican guy with a lazy eye. The Mexican started poking around our engine and looking at things.
"This your car man?" the Mexican asked Joey
"Yeah" Said Joey.
"Look at this" the Mexican made Joey come over and look at something on the engine
"You see this? This is your problem hehe, you got no spugplug, you see, is missing, gone! Haha! You got lost the spugplug!" The Mexican was right, we had lost a sparkplug, and he was very proud of himself for finding it. He told us that our car wouldnt work without it.
Then, the owner of the gas station, an Indian guy with gray hair who was probably about 35 came out and Me and Ben and Joey and the Mexican showed the Indian guy what was wrong. So Then the Indian guy told Joey that he could drive us across town to an AutoZone to buy the Sparkplug, and then for $50 he would install it for us. This seemed liked a good fast way to solved things. We left Ben to guard the car, and me and Joey got into the Indian guys Car and drove across town to Autozone. The Indian guys car had a "my child is an honor student" bumper sticker on it, I thought that was funny. The Indian guy was really rude to the Guy working at Autozone, but we got some Sparkplugs and drove back to the car.
Joey gave the Indian Guy $50 and the Indian guy went to get his tools, he made about five thousand trips to get tools. He worked on getting the sparkplug into its hole for about an hour and after much discussion it was realized that the chamber that the sparkplug screws into had been stripped. So we were all wicked bummed cause we thought we had a quick fix but we didnt.
WE decided to try and drive to the local Subaru Dealer and see if they could fix it for us, so we jammed the sparkplug in its hole, and started the car, and it seemed to work. We started driving, after about a few blocks the car exploded again and started puttering and generally being a broken car. So we pulled into a parking lot, And we called triple A.
Ben walked out into the street to find the sparkplug that had exploded out of the car. He found it and we put it in the ashtray of Joeys car. Joey was busy telling the triple A people where we were and all that. So me and Ben decided to tell all the people who were planning on staying in our hotel room that we might not make it. So we Called Mike Carroll and Jeff Groves and they were like "dang."
After about twenty minutes a Tow truck came to tow us to the Subaru dealer. It was one of those flat top tow, and because there wasnt enough room in the truck for all of us, Ben and Joey rode in the car, on top of the Tow truck. So I sat alone in the truck with the loud dirty truck driver. He was talking on his cell phone to some girl, the conversation went something like this:
"hello?.....oh you.....oh you....I dont know if I wanna talk to you, I gotta get out my decision pen.................I gotta get out my decision pen."
He kept saying things twice cause his reception was no good. He was trying to pick up the girl he was talking to on the phone, and he was being really sleazy.
"Yeah so, what are you doing on sunday, cuase I work all saturday and I got sunday off.........I got sunday off, Ill take you to a casino or something..........whataya mean maybe? You called me didnt you? I dont wanna be wasting my time..........Ill take you to a casino or something, then maybe after we can go upstairs, get a hotel room."
I swear to god, I am not making this up. I make up a lot of strange things, but this is real. I couldnt wait to tell somebody about what this guy was saying to the girl on the phone. So then he said:
"Whos that talkin?.........whos she?.......does she like me? Lemme talk to her..............Hey whatdayasay you me and yer freind there get together on sunday, go to a casino or something........a casino or something yeah......HAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAA"
I had no idea what he was laughing at, but it was the most evil laugh I have ever heard. Next time you see me ask me to do an impression of it, it was awesome. He kept on laughing and saying weird stuff to this girl and her friend on the phone and I thought it was really funny.
Once we got to the Subaru dealer, we checked in our car, and they were all like "yeah, we rock" and I was like, "cool" because it was a "Dan Perkins" Subaru dealer. And anything with Dan in it means it must be good. So we hung around there, and then we went to eat because we had to wait for the car to be done.
Once we got back from eating our car had been fixed and we rejoiced. It was frigggggen sweeet. Oh man, we were happy. Cuase we thought we were gonna miss motorama, but instead, we were gonna go to motorama. Awesome.
So we drove and drove and then we got to the hotel and checked in and
junk and we met Mike Carroll and we went and we unicycled in a parking
lot and then we went to sleep. What a day.
Saturday Morning Joey and Mike woke up at quarter to seven to go pick up Jeff Groves and Ryan Atkins at the bus station. At about 8:30 I got out of bed and went downstairs to check out our hotels continental breakfast. There was nothing that look to good, but I took some mini boxes of honeynut Cherrios to eat later.
Then Me and Ben went in search of a place to buy him a helmet, because ben lost his, or something. So we drove to this strip mall and we had to wait for a half hour because the sporting goods store didn't open till nine.
Next to the sports store was an army recruitment center, and there was a bunch of people who tried to get us to join the army, and I laughed at them.
Ben got a helmet and we drove to the Massive Farm Complex. We saw lots of hics and mullets and more hics. Motorama is kind of a hic fest.
After a bit of talking amongst the other unicyclist I began to eat my cherrios, they were pretty good. So then the competition started, but I had only eatin one box of cherrios and I had two more. So for the first ten minuts of competition I was eating my cherrios, and everyone was like, "dan, are you gonna ride" and I wall all "I gots ta eat my cherrios, ya understand" and then they were like "word."
So then I competed for a while, it was a fairly sweet course, but Since I suck at unicycling I couldn't do much. After the Competition ended I saw somebody with nachos, and I was like, "YEAH" and so I demanded to know the origin of the nachos, and then when it was told to me, I said that I would give that person 25 cents of their next Team TheDan.com T-shirt. It was rocken. So once I got my Nachos, I was wicked happy. Man, I love Nachos.
Me and Ben and Joey and Ryan and Jeff and Mike and Kris and Joe decided to walk around the Motorama event center and see what was going on. The first thing we saw was quad racing, those four-wheelers that make a lot of noise, you know, hics ride them. We got pretty bored of that so we went and found the Robot Battle arena. It was actually called "Robot Conflict" and I was all like "it should be called Robot disagreement" and then everyone laughed and high fived. Not really.
So the Robots were awesome, but we were all pretty hungry, so we decided to go to a restaurant. Gingerbread man was the name of the restaurant, and it seemed like a classy joint. I ordered some soda, and a big awesome Jamaican sandwich. It was mad good.
Then we went back to the Motorama place and watched Motorcycle trials, and then we watched MotoCross, it was awesome. We saw this one kid crash and when he landed on the ground his motorcycle landed on his head. Everyone cheered, it was hilarious. Then we went back to the bickering Robot arena to watch some Robot Conflict. It was so so so awesome. They were all like BAM BAM BOOM YOWZA.
Then we went back to the hotel and decided to got to waffle house. Once we got to waffle house it was like 12:30, so we were all pretty tired. The waitress was really cool, she asked us if two weeks was long enough to tell somebody that you loved them, and then she said that the waffle makers were fucked up. It amused me that the waitress said fuck. Hahahaaa.
Sunday morning Jeff and Ryan and Mike had to leave wicked early, but
me and Ben a Joey slept late. When we finally got up, we checked out and
went to waffle house for breakfast. It was a good time. After breakfast
we went to dollartree and I got a jump rope for a dollar. Then we started
the trip back, the car didn't explode even once, it was pretty cool. We
went to Krispy Kreme, and had awesome awesome doughnuts. So awesome. Well
Motorama was awesome, it was a sweet way to spend a weekend. Sorry this
is so goddamn long, but hey, its all good.