Canadian#1: So, toque eh?

Canadian#2: oh yah, sooooper good.

Canadian#1: good as a moose eh?

Canadian#2: oh yah, perhaps three moose good.

Canadian#1: three moose good eh? Soooper...

And thus begins the tale of Toronto, a story full of wonder, fulfilment, and awesome pizza boxes.

The Escapade started out the same way as the rest. Me, Ben and Joey load all our crap into Joeys car and set off for a long drive filled with lots of my stupid jokes and dumb observations. We did the drive to Toronto pretty awesomely, although I did get tricked by a wizard. Groubley grouble...

And we had some pizza, and we smuggled American goods across the boarder to Canada where we planned to make a terrific profit.

When we arived in the city of toronto, we checked our mapquest directions to see what the next step was. The next step was "take exit." Now, normally when we get horribly lost its becuase we don’t have a map, or becuase we weren’t paying attention, or becuase we got side tracked by a doughnut shop. But this time, we had a reason. So while we were trying to figure out witch exit to take, we drove all the way to Nova Scotia eh? So we called Jeff, and he was like "bada bing bada boom" and we magically appeared at Jeff’s house. It was wicked. So then we had some very interesting philosophical discussions. THEN WE WENT TO PIZZA PIZZA AND I HAD DIPPING SAUCE FOR MY PIZZA AND ALL WAS GOOD.
this wizard stole 50 cents from me and I didnt get a fortune
If there was an eleventh commandment, it should be "thou shalt dip thy pizza, for it is, wicked."
icey staircase that went up to darrens space
Ok so the next day, we all got up, and had waffles, and then everybody got into cars and we drove to Darren Bedford’s space. A truck had been rented, so it was decided that we should all carry things down this steep icy staircase. We spent a hour or so moving large stones from one side of the river to the other, but when we were done we had a truck full of unicycle stuff. On the way to the Darrens house, where we planned to move more large stones, we stopped at Timmy’s. (Tim Horton’s for all yall that aren’t down with the fly Canadian lingo...) At Timmy’s I got a Danish, twas a fine Danish. I’d say I put TheDan in Danish, and Danger, and Dang.
After all the stones where in place, we all drove to the exhibition center. (Where the toque game were.) We decided as a team that the stones we had collected would look better inside of the Exhibition center, so we moved all of our stuff inside. Then went to work building towers and castles. And then Darren was like "check out these super awesome T shirts" and we were like "wicked super" and we rejoiced and the awesome-ness of the T shirts. pete and the truck full of awesome
the exhibition center
TWO PIZZA WOW At some point Karl Hoyer called ask if anybody wanted pizza, to this I gafawed. I was like "yeah! Pizza, get the one with the double box! Woooooo!" and all the Canadians where like "double box, big whup." So then after waiting for several lifetimes, the pizza arrived, there where 4 pizzas. IN TWO BOXES. WOW. YEAH THATS RIGHT. WOOOOO!
I think it was around then that Me and Joey and Jeff went to get Jack at the airport. While we waited we saw some Limo Drivers holding up signs with names on them. So we decided to make a sign that said "shiznitobam" and hold it next to the limo drivers. But then they gave us dirty looks, so we waited a few feet away. Finally Jack got through the baggage area and was like "yee ha" and then Jeff said "gee golly gosh wiz Jack, you only have one bag?" and Jack was like "Yeah, I packed light, oh wait, SHIT." so then Jack tried to run back into the baggage claim area, but they thought he was a terrorist, so they shot him.
Jack forgot his bag, ha.

No just kidding. So Jack went back inside and get his other bag. And then we went back to the Exhibition center and there was no pizza, so then Jack said "shit." It was epic, lemme tell ya.

Because it was Thursday night, and the stars were aligned correctly, we went to the Toronto unicycle club. It was a good time. We prolly had some dinner at some point but I don’t recall what it was. Email me if it was life changing.

OK so Friday. Friday was cool, we set stuff up, and we hung around. I don’t rember what we did Friday, but I do remember this: I went to tiny Toms doughnuts, you may remember it from last year. So I was all like "hey man, I put you guys on the Internet, and I think your awesome." and so the guy working there happened to be a direct decedent of Tiny tom himself. So he gave me some Buy one get one free coupons and stuff for being so awesome. It was awesome.

Saturday was a good day, I attacked a windmill, in honor of Don Quixote, for which our proud event is named. We did high jump and junk, and messed around. I think I had some Big sandwiches on Saturday. Then on Saturday night we all went and had dinner at the groves house. like everybody was there, it was awesome. After dinner something awesome happened. Jeff was like, hey Dan, come here. And so I followed Jeff out onto the porch, where Ryan was standing holding a double pizza box, so I was like SWEEET PIZZA! Then I opened the box and I was like WICKED WICKED WICKED MEGA SWEET PECAN PIE!!!! yah see now, Ryan and Jeff had baked me two pecan pies, and they had put them in a double pizza box, it was so awesome I had to eat some pie! WOOO! PIE! Yeah! Oh man, wicked.

So I was like, I gotta get a picture of this, so I ran out to the car to get my camera, and then as I stepped back into the house everybody was standing around completely silent looking at me. And I was thinking, "Im pretty sure I have pants on" but then, My theme song started playing. Jack wrote me a theme song and everybody was silent so they could here it. Oh man, its an awesome theme song, you should hear it. Id put it on the Internet but I cant. So then everybody disco danced for several hours and me and Joey and Jack and Jeff went to get sushi. While at sushi, me a Jack got a big kick out of ordering Beer. Because we are underage you see.

Then Jeff decided that he was tired, and he went home. So Me Jack and Joey are sitting innocently in the sushi restaurant, when all off a sudden I hear girly yelling and I see Jack and Joey looking excited. "Wooooooo SUSHI TIME, YAYAY" then this parade of loud possibly drunk attractive girls start walking passed us yelling things at each other and being girls. And Jack is like "thank you god." So they all try and cram into the booth next to us, and we quickly start talking to them, and before you know it, one of the ladies has an idea! "Oh my god, lets all sit together at that big table over there!" she says, and because it would be just so rude of us to refuse their kind offer to enjoy a meal with them, we had to go and sit with all of the attractive ladies who were loud and maybe drunk.

So they tell us a bunch of fake names, like "sunshine" or "rainbow" and we are like, sweet. When they asked us how old we were and we told them we were here on a unicycling vacation... Later on one of the girls asked me if I had been ‘carded’ when I bought the beer, witch I hadn’t. (Im so cool)
lots of girls and us

some girls
jack and his new friend Anyway, we had a good ol’ time there in the sushi restaurant, and several times the group of definitely drunk attractive ladies broke out into loud drunk songs, like tiny dancer, and other songs great for drunk singing. So then we decided to leave, and so did all the girls. So we paid, and left a tremendous tip, because of all the loud drunkness that the ladies had done.

Once outside some of the girls decided to walk and some decided to walk to the train, and we decided to go to Tim Horton’s. After Tim Horton’s we met the girls back on the street, and we walked them to the train, and said goodbye. Also, at some point Joey had given his T shirt to one of the girls, so they have that to remember us by. We told them to come see us compete at the exhibition center tomorrow, and they told us they might. (They didn’t) (unless they did and we just didn’t see them there and they looked for us but didn’t find us.) (Ok who am I kidding, they didn’t go.)


The trials competitions were held in the morning, and I had a sandwich. I did some MCing at the expert trials competition. I would say stupid stuff, and distract the riders. I had a microphone and stuff. I also began telling the history of the unicycle. Known by some as "the orange story" Ill put it up later.

Then during the afternoon we went to this park, and did a pavement lump race, or, "UMX" as some like to call it. There was this park, with big pavement lumps, and we decided to have a race there. Ben won the expert class. It started snowing and we had to kill some police officers, but otherwise it all went smoothly.

So then we all went back to the exhibition center, and got some prizes. Then we drove the truck into the exhibition center. And we loaded all our stuff into the truck and drove it back to Darren’s space. We made a long line of people up the steep wet ice stairway and we passed stuff up the line, then we went to Darren’s house and saw his hearse and stuff and we made a big line of people passing there to. It was liney. RU NEXT

Monday morning we packed up, and Darren came over with some pamplemoose juice. It was awesome. after breakfast we decided to go over to wal mart and get our pictures developed so that we could prove we met lots of girls. While we waited the 1 hour of the one hour photo we all got kinder eggs and opened them and traded them. Wicked. The pictures were pretty sweet. I love Canada.

Just after we crossed the border into New York Joey got a speeding ticket. Stupid American police. And also Stupid American Speed limits, its 65 in new york, and in canada its 100! I mean comon, how awesome is that, in Canada a school zone speed is like 45, awesome eh? Well, It was a wicked awesome adventure, stay tuned for the moab story.
-The Dan

the canadian flag